Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Self Esteem

I read this article regarding preparing our teens for the real world (see link below). Patricia Redlich gives the following definition for self esteem. “Self-esteem is about having responsibilities, and believing you can meet them.” There are a number of definitions that we can always agree on; I’d like to comment on this one.

Our role as parents is not to fight our kid’s battles but to help them fight their own. That they know we are there for them, even if they lose their battles. That we love them whether they win or lose or continue as is. We also need to believe they can achieve their goals and dreams.

My son was complaining that he needed some money. I told him that he was entrepreneurial and that he could figure out something. He looked at me quizzically and I reminded him of two instances in his past that he was entrepreneurial.

He had completely forgotten about these events and had not recognized them as entrepreneurial. Sometimes our kids need to be reminded/acknowledged/recognized for what they’ve done so they can own their accomplishments.

How do you address self esteem and your kids?




“Achievement motivation and time management accounts for about 25% of your power to succeed. For example, a study in 1953 found that only 3% of the students graduating from Yale that year had written goals and specific plans for reaching them. Twenty years later, the 3% who had written goals were earning more money as a group than the entire other 97%!”

- Brent Evans of www.LearningSuccess.com

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Noodle Soup

I spent a few days with my best friend from High School and his family. They have four kids ranging from 10-15 yrs old.

I learned a lot being with his family, but I specifically want to talk about an incident that occurred while the adults were out to dinner.

Mrs. R got a call that her 2nd oldest had thrown her noodle soup onto the eldest daughter. The mother initially wanted all parties on the line so that everyone could state their side of the story. However the eldest wanted the noodles out of her hair and wanted to go straight into the shower.

She spoke to her 2nd daughter and asked her for her side of the story. Without judgment or a change in the tone of her voice Mrs. R stated that she expected her to apologize and to clean up the mess (along with some hints.)

When we got home, everything had been taken care of. This issue was over and there weren’t any more words for the parents to say.

I am always humbly reminded that when our kids know our expectations, they know how to win. This is a prime example.

How have your expectations with your teens made the path easier?


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Tuesday, August 14, 2007


I was talking to the mother about the topic in the July 10th blog regarding parents owning their child's responsibility instead of teaching their children how to handle situations.

This single mom (and I am in awe of all single mom’s) has a Jr in college (UC Berkeley) and a HS senior (planning for Yale).

She commented that she would not make decisions for her children. She told them that she is not always going to be there for them and they are going to need to think for themselves and make decisions.

She taught them how to use the pros and cons of a situation to help guide them in their decisions.

What an awesome way to empower her kids; by trusting them to make the right decision and giving them tools to do this.

How do you empower your teens? Please post below.


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Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Pre-Teen’s Conflict

Our teens are both mature and in need of guidance at the same time at this age. It’s just knowing where each applies is the challenge.

My son flew from San Jose; Ca to Philadelphia, PA with a 1.5 hour lay over at Dallas Fort Worth Airport (DFW) to visit my uncle and see the historic sites of the area.

When we were figuring out his flight schedule, my biggest fear was my pre-teen having to change planes at DFW. Luckily, the airlines required us to pay for him to be escorted. Of course, my son said it was no problem he could handle it. Not only was I concerned about him changing planes, I was also concerned about adults that might notice him being by himself (am I too doom and gloom?).

Well, the Dallas area was having major storms the day of his flight. His flight got into DFW ~2 hours late. Because my husband and I could not confirm his second flight had taken off, I called the airlines and found out his connecting flight was delayed by 4 hours.

Just then, my son called from the “Unaccompanied Minor’s Room”. You could hear the fear/panic in his voice. He relaxed once I explained the situation.

What would have happened had he not been escorted? Would he have known what to do? Even though he wanted to be treated like an adult, he definitely needed the escort.

I followed my gut for reasons other than why I needed to. And as a parent, I think it is important to listen to what your gut says; you can learn a lot.

Has anything like this happened to you? I’d love to hear about it.


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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Teaching Conflict Resolution

UC Davis Magazine, from my alma mater, published an article titled “Life Skills 101.” What caught my eye is the 4th section titled “Play Well With Others.”

Initially, freshman college students are anxious to make friends with their roommates, but soon find to their surprise that the roommate has different values, beliefs and/or more.

This article noted a new trend; the student’s parents are calling the roommate’s parents regarding issues the students are having. The students hadn't learned how to deal with their differences.

This seems so unreal to me.

My belief is that it is our job as parents is to prepare our children to be adults. This includes teaching them how to accept the differences of others, how to resole conflicts and learn to make the best of situations.

You can read this article by clicking here.

What are your thoughts?



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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Kids, the Internet and Predators

Attached is a link to a series of videos on YouTube. This is a panel of experts and their findings of Kids and Predators on the Internet.

I shouldn’t be surprised that the media distorts reality. Teenagers, not small children, are more likely to be victims. And of those that are approached, only 5% hide their real identity; which mans 95% of the contacts, the teenagers know the other person is older.

If you have kids online, you’ll want to know what this Panel has to say.

I’d love to hear your comments.

Just The Facts About Online Youth Victimization

Dawn-Marie Cook
Parent Coach and Speaker

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Thursday, June 21, 2007

Time to Change

Time to Change

Workshops for Teenage Girls


As my son approaches the last 6 months of his pre-teenhood I realize that our relationship needs to change.

I'm no longer here to take care of him as a child; he definitely isn't one anymore. It's time to get to know him and get to know his interests; to become interested in knowing what he thinks and continue to respect him for who he is

Boudaries still apply - curfews, chores, expectations, guidelines - those are still important in helping him become a responsible adult.

However, he has his own world and as I am becoming less and less a part of it, I want him to know still I care, love him and that he can come to me if he has problems.

How are you experiencing this?

Workshops for Teenage Girls - San Francisco Bay area

Self-Esteem Workshops: Empower Yourself!
- Learn how to respect, accept and express yourself.
- You will begin to create the life that you want and deserve.

Body Talk Workshops: Take Control Of How You Feel About Your Body!
- Are you aware of the words you use about yourself and your body?
- Learn that true beauty comes from within.

Group Coaching Sessions: Anything and Everything!
- Coaching group to talk about anything and everything that is on your minds.

For more details go to WORKSHOPS or http://www.raecoaching.com/

I'd love to hear your comments!