Assumptions - Common Courtesy

Continuing on the line of Common Courtesy-

After my daughter’s second week of kindergarten, she told me that (1) She had played with “Emily”, who we met during assessments, during recess, a following day (2) She played with “Joy” from her class then “Emily” during recess, (3) The next day “Joy” didn’t want to play with her, (4) The following day “Emily” played with her a little bit than played with a boy, (5) Then she played by herself.

I didn’t want to make a big deal about her not having a friend; it’s only the second week of school. However, the more I thought about it, the more I believed I didn’t have the full picture. I asked my daughter what she had said to “Joy” when she went to play with “Emily” or did she just say nothing and leave “Joy” behind?

She stated that she just left “Joy” behind. I asked her how thinks “Joy” felt when she did this, “Sad.” I then asked her if she would like that to happen to her; “No.” I told her that she needed to apologize to “Joy” and that “Joy” may or may not want to play with her; either way she needs to apologize. If “Joy” does want to play with her and “Emily” comes around, she needs to ask if everybody wants to play together.

The next day, my daughter said she played with “Joy” and when “Emily” came around she asked that they all play together; and they did. I asked my daughter how did it feel and she replied “Happy”.

Looking back, I had assumed my daughter would know when she hurt someone’s feelings and think about playing “together.” How to treat others, just like please and thank you, are very much a part of teaching manners and something we as parents must teach our children.

How have you taught or are teaching your children about common courtesy?

Assumptions = Unstated Expectations

As most parents, I think my children are bright, but this has absolutely nothing to do with what we adults call "Common Sense." In a 24 hour period, both my children have proven this.

My son, who's in middle school, wanted to go to a friend's house before dinner. He took his watch and was supposed to be home by 6pm. At 6:20pm I had to call his friend's house to have him come home.

Once he was home, we figured out he had not sprung his watch forward an hour for daylight savings. He whined that he didn't know it was wrong. I told him it was his responsibility to make sure his watch matched our house clock.

Later that same evening, he went to his friend's house with a be home directive of 7:30pm. Arriving home at 7:35pm, he made excuses that his friend made him late and that his friend's clock did not match his by a few minutes. I told him it was his responsibility to be home on time regardless of what his friend did or the time on his friend's clock. And that he should leave 5 minutes early by his watch so he makes sure he is home on time.

His response was "Now you tell me!"

I made the assumption he would know to leave early to get home on time. After I thought about this, I realized that just like teaching our children manners, we need to teach them the basics or a foundation of common sense.

I am a true believer that when our children know what to expect, they know how to win. This is just another reminder of how true this is.

More about this and my daughter in my next posting.

Toddlers Do Listen

Have you ever noticed that your kids really only hear
the last word or two that you say?
So as your child is running down the driveway
towards the street, as you yell
“don’t run into the street” your child hears “street”.
As your child runs around the pool,
you yell “don’t run” and your child hears “run!”
After your child has just eaten a
peanut butter and jelly sandwich that’s evidenced
by their fingers, you yell “don’t touch”
your child hears “touch!”

No matter if you are a child, a teen or an adult, when
you are focused on a task, when
someone starts talking to you; you only hear the last
bit before you realize that
someone is actually talking to you. I heard someone
point this out, so I began telling my
children what I did want.

Instead of yelling “don’t run into the street” I scream
“Stop!” When I want them stop
running, I yell “Walk”. And of course when I
don’t want them to touch any
thing, I would tell them “Hands Off!” And of course
my favorite is “keep your milk
in your cup or in your mouth” as they walk to
the dining room with a full
glass of milk.

Toddlers do listen, well . . . at least to the last few
words you say.

And as in life, as you ask for what you want, you are more likely to get it.

Have you experienced this? I’d love to hear your
comments about this.