Leaving Yet Staying Close

I don’t know if this is a male behavior, or that my daughter just isn’t old enough yet. However, when my preteen son gets mad at us, and he’s been doing this since he was 5 yrs old, he wants to be as far away from his father and I as fast as possible.

In this Parenting Pamphlet, Listening to Children: Reaching for Your Angry Child, by Patty Wifler states that even though our son wants us to be gone, he really needs us to support him. Thus if he says get out of my room, state back to him “I will step towards the door now; however what I really want is to sit next to you on the bed.” The idea is to “offer you child warmth and closeness. Don’t force it, but do keep offering.”

I’ve had an opportunity to try this out since reading this pamphlet. For me, it has given me permission to stay with my son during this emotional state. Because I do not leave the room, I really do think he gets it that I really do care about him. And most important, since he knows I am not leaving, we are able to resolve the issue, or at least calm down enough to make agreements to discuss more later when we are both in a frame of mind.

You can find this and other great pamphlets from www.HandInHandParenting.org.

How do you handle the situation when you child asks you to leave the room? I’d love to have more options.